Never work with children or animals, the old saying has it. It’s supposedly a surefire way to damage your career, although another saying states that any publicity is good publicity. Though how much good gnawing on a live bat did Ozzy Ozbourne is open to debate.
However, it seems that inanimate objects pose as much a hazard to our musicians. Just ask Enrique Iglesias, who almost lost a couple of fingers in Mexico while trying to catch a miniature camera helicopter. Those metal blades move awfully fast. To be fair, he did play on for 30 minutes, T-shirt covered in blood, which must have been a shock for an audience unused to rock’n’roll stunts.
It seems the more mundane the situation, the more life-threatening the peril. St Vincent, aka Annie Clark, was the latest to fail to negotiate her way around the stage, somehow managing to pull a speaker stack on top of herself. Fortunately, one of the bouncers diverted the plummeting amp and pretty much saving her life.
Clark follows (or rather, doesn’t) in the footsteps of The Edge out of U2 wandering off an (illuminated) stage while playing ‘Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’, and of course, Madonna’s ill-conceived cape stunt (has she not seen ‘The Incredibles’?).
Yes, danger lurks in the wings, and sometimes it’s no laughing matter – Les Harvey of Stone The Crows was electrocuted by his microphone; Curtis Mayfield was paralysed by a falling lighting rig, and Great White’s pyrotechnics led to a fire that caused 100 deaths at gig in Rhode Island.
It sometimes seems that the world of rock is immune from the politically-correct Health and Safety-obsessed interference beloved of the tabloids and blamed on Europe. It may seem that with social media broadcasting these mishaps modern stars have got soft.
Musicians should really take on these salutary lessons, but if they’re managing to entertain without putting their fans in mortal danger then perhaps we can forgive.
One of my favourite ‘showmen’ was Andy Ellison, who was in John’s Children with Marc Bolan and well-known for serially injuring himself – including two shattered kneecaps and a broken spine. He also once filled a stage with feathers – rendering Roger Daltrey unable to sing – and hospitalised an NME photographer by landing on him. Ellison also once jumped off the 25ft stage at Glasgow’s Apollo and somehow found himself outside the venue, having to get back in without a ticket with the legendarily officious bouncers in hot pursuit.
It might well be since the advent of Spinal Tap, with its portrayal of rock stars as, well, not that smart, that things have started to go awry. Before the back-to-basics of punk, scarily lethal props were in common usage – Arthur Lee still sets his head ablaze when performing ‘Fire’, while Alice Cooper’s ‘Nightmare’ consisted of electric chair, snakes and an (actual working) guillotine.
And The Who’s Keith Moon managed to detonate his drum kit without loss of life (though it did result in a loss of hearing for guitarist Pete Townsend). The Who don’t have much luck it seems – Roger Daltrey almost losing an eye when caught by a wayward mic stand swung by none other than Gary Glitter.
And that’s someone else that you maybe shouldn’t work with.
Pinact
Stand Still and Rot
(Kanine)
Musicians, as a rule, hate being compared to other bands. Understandably – what artist wants to be thought of as unoriginal, especially when their latest song sounds, in their heard, like nothing that’s ever been recorded before.
However, there’s only so many notes and sounds out there, so if you’re going to borrow, do so wisely. Pinact do just that. Write some songs with the pop nous of Weezer or the perfect guitar hooks of Teenage Fanclub. Drench these in Sonic Youth-style guitar noise, and play them at the speed of Bleach-era Nirvana.
Remarkably, Glasgow-based Pinact are a duo, but their guitar and drums sound like, well, a trio. Which trio, we’ll not dwell on, but with influences like these you can be sure it’s a good one. ****
(This article originally appeared in the Kirkintilloch Herald)
