I’m not really one for “What I did on my holidays”-style diary pieces, but since I had uploaded all the photos I thought I might as well say a few words – after all, they say a picture paints a thousand words, but in these cases the exceptionally scuzzy shots I took mean that a more verbal description might be required to get the full feel of Puerto Pollensa.

So, this nice wee town on the north-east coast of Mallorca is a decent enough place to catch some late summer sun. It’s probably mobbed in high summer but less so in October when we visited. (Tip: take your winter holiday before the clocks go back, or you’ll find yourself playing tennis in pitch darkness the way we did in Cyprus a few years back). It’s also less warm – still a way-too-hot upper 20s for us peely-wally Scots, but not as skin-searingly roasting 38 or so that the local hotel staff told us about (too hot for Mallorcans? Sounds like hell!)

It’s a long journey where you get to see around the hillsides. one of the town’s landmarks coming in is a roundabout with a big model plane on it, according to my hairdresser who had been previously and have us some holiday tips- it seems like everyone we know had either been here or knew someone that had. Though she didn’t mention the second roundabout which had a family of goats wandering across it.

The town in summary then: a long sandy beach along the front, with hire-by-the-day deck chairs and shades, which wasn’t over-busy. (Tip: get there after 3 for a half day hire, or you’re lucky the man may not come to take your money. Or, bring your own seating and umbrella, or park yourself under a tree.

There’s a beach bar (Tamerells) at what you might call the east (south?) end of the town. Didn’t try it, just sat on the beach once or twice. As far as I can tell, you can’t buy drinks there and take them to the beach, which is a municipal beach I think. For the sunseekers that enjoy a drink, it’s a kind of weird setup. All the way along the front for a mile or so, you have bars and shops, then road, then beach. Our previous Mallorcan adventure was in Cala Bona, where the arrangement was road, bar, beach. A subtle distinction that means you can enjoy a drink without the constant interruption of traffic as you look at the sea.

Get past the bus terminus that’s just round from the town square and you’re into the “pine trees walk”. Here as the name implies there’s no road but the hotels, restaurants and occasional bar are still separated by the ‘walk’, i.e. pavement, while some of the hotels have annexed bits of the beach, allowing waiters to buzz across the pavement serving drinks to their guests. So beach space is at a premium and benches are harder still to come by if you’re wanting to sit and soak up the sun. Sheltered seating (under a pine, natch) is very much in demand, probably related to the proliferation of Scots and English accents – it really is a place for regular visitors from home or ex-pats, but it’s not obtrusively a Brit town, with only the odd bar with “full English” etc – unlike Cala Millor which was riddled with them. (oh, Cala Bona is the ‘original’ wee town for our previous holiday, while Cala Millor is the kind of urban conurbation that’s sprung up along the way).
The walk is maybe a mile in length, at which point you literally come up against a brick wall which marks the start of the military zone. (Fear not, the only activity seems to be the odd helicopter or small plane, possibly in manoeuvres for forest fire extinguishing, or similar).

Once you’re done sunbathing/basting, you may realise that there’s not a massive amount to see in the (port) town. The biggest point of interest is the wetlands – a kind of nature reserve which is one of quite a few on the island. Oddly, this is pretty much in the centre of the town, at the mouth of a kind of estuary which the main road runs over. It’s a few hundred yards wide with a path which winds its way around the gorse and marsh, but which is just a stone’s throw from the town (it backs onto a supermarket car park and skirts around a bar and a new apartment development). So it’s a surprise to see so many wildlife attractions – a couple of birds that may be a heron and a small eagret on some man-made perches, while there are several flocks (?) of ducks which will swarm your way (do ducks swarm?) as soon as you get out the bread you nicked from the hotel breakfast. Also of note are the dragonflies – several inches long and bright blue, and fish, kind of silver-backed long things, hundreds of them in the crystal clear water (they seem to like a bit of bread as well).

That’s about it for daytime attractions, so the only other sightseeing attraction may be to get out of the town. Trips to Palma or other places are recommended in the guidebooks while there’s what looks like a terrifying white-knuckle ride (especially for those who have mastered driving on the right) to be had in the mountains that overlook the bay. we went for something safer (we hoped) – there are several boat trips around the coast. In our previous holidays we’ve sailed on glass-bottomed boats, these seem to come as standard (NB they’re not actually glass-bottomed, rather they’re large ‘portholes’ on the lower deck). Anyway, usually there’s not a lot to see but this was like a mini-aquarium, with angelfish (or whatever, tropical stuff) swimming right up to the glass as well as lots of the now old-hat silvery ones seen in the river. Then, as the boat’s engines kicked in, something dive-bombed into the water. A heron! It poked around with its beak and then zipped up again.

The boat trip, being like most other boat trips was maybe an anti-climax after that – ok, a bit harsh, but plenty to see if you enjoy looking at rugged coastlines and deciding which celebrity’s profile they look most like. Sadly, no commentary, so no actual celebrity house information about the massive dwellings set on the hills.
Our trip went up to the point at … and after threatening to squeeze into a cave that was several sizes too small for our boat, headed back, with a stop at Piedra (I think) with its nice, albeit crowded, sandy beach.

As if sensing our need to be entertained, the council, or the police cordoned off the road beside our hotel on the Wednesday evening. turns out this was because the main road through the town was to be the final straight for the round-Mallorca veterans’ cycle race. We waited around, we saw some police bikes, then a cyclist, then a load more cyclists in packs, then the odd one limping over the finish line. The sponsors’ backdrop fell over and after that, some cups were presented. It was a little more exciting than that to be fair, though I’d maybe have preferred to be on a bike myself. Harking back to Cala Bona/Millor, it has a good selection of cycle lanes. Bikes are apparently banned from the pine trees walk in Puerto Pollensa, though you could cycle down the front if you wanted. The whole town,. like the Calas, is very flat, ideal for biking. Ideal for jogging as well in fact – I discovered a previously hidden liking for running here. I’m not sure why I hate running at home so much – probably a combination of climate, hills and general boredom from the surroundings – but heading off pretty much into the unknown was actually quite fun – pick a general direction and just run for 10 minutes or so, then head back roughly from whence you came but taking a few odd turnings. Good way to see a town as well.

We were staying at the Jet 2-arranged Aparthotel Villa Concha. Which means that it’s like a hotel – you can get full board, or no board but buy breakfast (or dinner) on the day. Your room is actually an apartment with kitchen, lounge, and it’s cleaned and changed every 2 days. The living quarters were just fine – clean, maybe a wee bit wizened but no real severe wear and tear. Got a balcony as well, not actually in direct sun which suited us, even if the swimwear didn’t dry as fast as we might have liked… staff pretty helpful as well, though the £15 for a safe key was a bit OTT. Though they didn’t charge me for a map though and wi-fi was free as well, so it all balances out I guess. Very much preferable to an actual hotel. The ‘no frills’ continues with us going via Jet2, as they basically say that they’ll not bother you all week, unlike actual tour operators who will badger you into taking excursions. (these are available, you just get a leaflet from reception).

Market day is Wednesday but this was, well, just like any other market really. Maybe I’ve seen too many, there are plenty of stalls with clothing, foodstuffs, ornaments, you name it really. A decided lack of football tops though, and the Barca ones seemed to be retailing at full price (i.e. 40E or so). It seems that they are the team of choice round these parts, perhaps due in part to a Catalan thing going on as this is, as far as I can tell, the local dialect as opposed to Spanish.

So, another ‘escape’ from the town is Polenza itself – Puerto Polenza is the old town’s port, if that makes any sense. we went on the Friday, with the weather pretty dreich it seemed a good day to trek around, though we’d not really predicted the cold rain even if my umbrella did get an airing. The actual Polensa is a 15-minute bus ride away – or a short taxi ride, a fiver (tenner) between 4. We got the taxi back due to a lull in bus provision in the middle of the day (siesta?) plus a mysterious bank holiday timetable – oh, and you have to phone for a taxi as they won’t come by the rank.
There is, apparently, a Roman bridge that’s well worth seeing, but with the driving rain and cold now acclimatising us to our journey home, we kind of forgot to go and look for it and hopped into a taxi and back to the port, which was drying up a bit y then.

So we didn’t see that much in the town itself, though with its winding backstreets and ancient buildings it’s probably well worth a day trip on a sunnier day… the main attraction is the old church, on a hill at the top of 365 steps. It was pretty wet so we didn’t stay long, just headed down again and got some shelter at a tapas restaurant. Oh, the tapas selection throughout both towns is really disappointing, with too many options being fish-based. Though that might be me looking for vegetarian food generally, Anyway, while the tortilla for lunch here was fine, the croquettes had ham in them. The menu didn’t say, though to be fair it didn’t say they were potato either. Caveat emptor, as they say in Italian eateries.

As you probably spotted this ‘review’ has no sort of structure to it whatsoever, so I may as well group the nightlife stuff together. Ah, the nightlife… our hotel did have entertainment every night, though we studiously avoided this where possible – usually a singer with backing tapes. One night it was the local Elvis impersonator, who can also be seen regularly at The Imperial on the front. He’s… well, odd – kind of doing it for laughs with a cape and much posturing, though his actual vocal impersonation isn’t any worse than Danny Mirror’s (random example). But the dd bit is that he doesn’t stay in character between songs. Instead he’ll chat to the crowd with a broad Paisley accent. “Howzitgaun, Pollenza? Are youse lonesone the night?” (I paraphrase, only slightly)

So, staying out as late as possible becomes a bit of an art form so you can be sure the ents at the hotel have finished before you get back.
restaurants are at a premium. The pine trees walk is largely populated by chicken and chips places catering to the tourist market – ok, a bit harsh, there are a few decent places but nothing spectacular. (There is a earring shop near the square – receipt says “Vicki c/Economo Torres No5” – husbands and boyfriends should beware… though the prices were actually very cheap (generally less than 10 euros a pair) for some very unusual jewelry so maybe you could work this to your advantage if there’s a birthday coming up).

Oh, ok, I may have mentioned that we’re vegetarian so a bit biased food-wise. So it’s inevitable that we should go to the town’s only vegetarian eaterie pretty much as soon as we’d got there. It’s a veggie pension i.e. there’s a hotel as well. Though it gets decent enough reviews to be honest you can never be sure what to expect from a place proclaiming itself veggie – all the Scottish ones are decent, though you’re always working within constraints especially if like Mono and Stereo you’re vegan (we do love our dairy). Bellavista has a lovely outdoor setting in a courtyard with cats and dogs milling around (not near the food thankfully). Can’t recall what we had, pasta with pumpkin or sweet potato or something. Too many sweet flavours to be honest. I also noted that every restaurant unasked brought olives/bread and kind of garlic, er, ‘foam’ (a kind of whippy dip) which they charge you for without asking (unlike at home where the admirable Delhi’s Winter bring you popadums and dips for free whether carry-oot or eating in. Mmm. Didn’t find a decent curry shop in the town. I digress… back to Bellavista, where Sue had tofu and noodles, I think. We came back again at the end of the holiday as well, not because the place was fantastic, more because it was kind of reliable, I suppose with not many decent options elsewhere. Plus we thought we should try and support veggie types making a go of it, though they weren’t particularly friendly and certainly not chatty (could have been a language thing). Service was a bit, well, kind of ‘relaxed’. Hippies.

A complete contrast to Ca’n Josep. It’s a pub-cum-restaurant on the busy main drag beside the road. The owner – the titular Josep, we assume – was very friendly indeed, remembering what we’d have previously (we went back most nights staving off time before the ents at the hotel finished). It seemed like he was on first name terms with every one of his customers. As you can see from the link people love the place and suggest it may be the best restaurant in the town / island / world. We only had a snack there which was fine, so I can only guess that the hyperbole is down to the service – though to be fair, the competition isn’t that fierce, so who knows?
Next night: an Italian (we can’t stave off our need for pasta or pizza for more than 2 or 3 days at most). There are two Mojitos at the town square – one is a steakhouse and as you can imagine this wasn’t the one we went for. Instead, an excellent calzone. We came back later in the week for… well, something pasta based. It was fine as well…

I mentioned the lack of decent tapas but we have to have some sort of proper Spanish food, so paella it is. Los Zarzales is quite a posh-looking restaurant but eating outdoors is a good leveler, so we ordered the veg version of the classic / stereotypical Spanish dish. For the uninitiated (we’re so cosmopolitan having done this twice in Spain) you always order for two and share a big skillet… this may not be the correct term for the metal dish it comes in. Squeezy lemon on top, and the waitress will come back to kind of give you ‘seconds’ – they tend not to put the entire half on your plate in one go for some reason. It was very decent indeed, even given the lack of mushrooms.

I think next night it was a Mexican place – well, American/Texan-ish. Nicos, now I remember, rather dissimilar to the one in Sauchiehall Street, though it’s possible the two aren’t related. In fact, hey say they’re Tex-Mex with a Spanish twist, so burritos, fajitas chimichangas and nachos made up most of the menu. My burrito was very nice again… (as Billy Connolly says, all Mexican food is the same thing folded different ways, so similarly, there’s not much you can say about it. Though if I’d not waited 3 weeks until writing my ‘reviews’ then I’d maybe have remembered more!)

And so, here ends this rather unstructured review of Puerto Pollenza – hey I’m not getting paid for this, so you’ll have to live with the highly unprofessional style. And the decidedly crappy photos.
Anyway, I’d happily recommend the place to anyone looking for some late summer sun, and I would come back, though as per the last couple of times in the Balearics, we might be more likely to find a different coast or island just for variety, as I think we may have exhausted most of the activities – apart from sunbathing!

Created with Admarket’s flickrSLiDR.