What’s in a name? Well, if it’s Minogue, it can herald only good news for music fans and lawyers everywhere. Kylie (yes, that one) has won her legal battle over Kylie (no, not that one).
No, la Minogue hasn’t taken leave of her senses and sued herself. Rather, someone from a reality TV show (apparently) called Kylie tried to trademark the name. To be exact, Evil Twin Kylie is part of ‘The Kardashians’, but not even a proper Kardashian, rather a hanger-on from that family whose presence on this planet is still something of a mystery to right-thinking people (and myself).
Also, given that she was born in 1997, there’s just the slightest chance that her own name is already borrowed from the Aussie pop bombshell (© all newspapers).
In fact, all she needs now is for her sister Kendall to usurp her in the fame stakes, if her new range of Mint cake takes off.
Jenner’s rather optimistic stab at self-promotion smacks a little of ‘Cheryl’ – or Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini-Payne-Nuttall to give her her full name. Clearly having decided that constantly updating her web url wasn’t an effective use of her time, Chezza decided to reinvent herself in much the same way as Robbie, or Jesus (themselves similar characters – good at working large outdoor crowds, better than Lennon, never seen in the same painting together).
However, when men of a certain age (her target audience) hear “Cheryl” mentioned, their thoughts immediately turn to Cheryl (Baker) out of Buck’s Fizz. The two aren’t easily confused otherwise, since as soon as ‘Making Your Mind Up’ gets to the key change (followed by the skirt-whipping-off bit) it’s quite clear that the Eurovision winner-turned-TV presenter doesn’t have a massive rose tattoo occupying most of her arse.
But as pop reinventions go Kylie is the master, or mistress, from soap star to honorary indie icon / goth muse / victim of Nick Cave, via all flavours of breezy pop and sultry dance music.
Indeed, her longevity is remarkable when you look at the acts who’ve struggled to redefine themselves – even Ziggy / The Thin White Duke (have you heard Tin Machine?), and Prince
(actually his real name), whose solo career foundered forcing him to return to punting Duchy originals and plotting to give his mother the flu.
It does seem that the need to adopt new personae usually afflicts manufactured acts – like the metal-obsessed Charlie out of Busted struggling to shake off his cheeky boyband image, while Victoria Beckham will always be saddled with the surname ’Spice’ just like her four sisters. ‘Miming Spice’ failed in a legal bit to become Peterborough, but reinvented herself as a non-musician (whaddya mean RE-invented?) – although she has achieved some success with a move into WAG-friendly minus-size fashion.
Even Michael Jackson, who was rechristened ‘Wacko’, didn’t seem to like his new name, instead going to the trouble to appointing himself ‘King of Pop’, and getting into a comical situation where Bart and Homer – no surnames required – were forced to call him by his regal title or they wouldn’t be able to reference him in The Simpsons. An odd tale, but given that Jacko is a cartoon character (literally, and figuratively), perhaps not the weirdest Jacksons story.
Indeed, the only male performer to achieve this is Elvis (Costello, obviously).
Self-coronation does however rather smack of delusions of grandeur. A bit like giving oneself a one-name ‘title’. However, in the case of Kylie, the People’s Pop Princess, we’ll let it go.
After all, if it’s Minogue, then just like Highlander, there can be only one.
Just don’t mention Danni. She should be so lucky.
(This piece may have appeared in the Luton News)